An overwhelming explosion of adrenaline and emotion

The question we must ask is what it is about this man's construction of his relationship with his partner that permits him to use abusive behaviour towards her when he feels himself to be under pressure. When looked at closely, the ‘excuse' of stress/pressure is either that he perceives her as its cause (partner-blaming) or as the person who should make him feel better (sense of entitlement). 
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Often the perpetrator will objectify his partner, denying her humanity. This is undoubtedly a central process in domestic violence. He sees his partner as ugly or evil and thinks of her in terms of (often gendered) derogations such as a bitch, slag and cunt. This is part of a process that allows him to use violence by reducing his empathy for his partner. With many perpetrators this objectification constantly pervades their view of their partners.

Loss of partner empathy also occurs when the perpetrator's expectations of services (physical and emotional dependence) and narcissism are such that it becomes increasing difficult for him to see her as having experiences and needs separate from his own. For example, he cannot see that she called the police for her own protection rather than to punish him. If men in the early stages of the DVIP programme are asked to name one quality that their partner or ex-partner has which is not about her relationship to them, most find it difficult to reply.

They struggle to see her beyond her role in relation to themselves and their home, and give responses such as “she stands by me”, “ she puts up with me”, “she keeps the place tidy” and “she's a good mother”.

Denial of the effects on children

Even when a perpetrator has systematically abused his children's mother for many years he may still claim that he is a good father, unable to see the hypocrisy in this statement.

 In 90% of domestic assaults, children are in the same or next room (Hughes, 1992). Furthermore, we know that where domestic violence occurs there is an increased likelihood of child abuse in the same family (and vice versa) (Morley & Mullender, 1994b).

Denial of responsibility

The perpetrator denies control over his actions, placing control elsewhere, external to himself. The ways this is most commonly encountered are as follows.

Partner-blaming

The actions or inactions of the partner or victim are most frequently cited as the cause or provocation of the violence. This is heard in many different ways in perpetrator's accounts of their abusive behaviour: “She pushes me too far”, “She winds me up”, “She knows what I'm like”, “If she didn't do x I wouldn't do y”, “She goes on and on (nagging)”.

Sometimes the violence may be presented as a last-ditch, regrettable step to protect the perpetrator from his partner's verbal or physical assault, but in fact it was either retaliation (punishment, not self-defence) or the silencing of his partner's criticism.

Attributing the reason for abusive behaviour to the woman can become entrenched in domestic violence perpetrators, to the point where remorse and culpability are extinguished. While the perpetrator continues to place responsibility for his behaviour with his partner, motivation to work for change within himself will remain low. Often, partner-blaming is linked to an exaggerated sense of entitlement and anger at her resistance to meeting his demands. He will want to talk about her behaviour and his feelings, and any useful intervention needs to reverse this focus to look his behaviour and her feelings.

Denial of responsibility for consequences for his behaviour

Here the perpetrator blames others when he experiences consequences of his abusive behaviour. This is a variation of partner-blaming that extends to others who challenge his behaviour, including the police, courts, social services and, frequently, his partner's family (for siding against him or never having liked him).

Sense of entitlement (masculinity)

Violence and other abusive behaviours are used to control. Domestic violence perpetrators use abusive behaviour to support their sense of entitlement by:
 — punishing the woman for something she has done wrong (“teaching her a lesson”)
 — forcing her to do something she does not want to do (e.g. “shut up”)
 — stopping her from doing something she wishes to do (e.g. leave the relationship).

 This is establishing the power to set the further rules of the relationship (e.g. he can drink, spend money, come and go as he pleases without criticism). Through this the perpetrator also obtains services from his partner (e.g. sex, housework, emotional care) and restricts her movements and autonomy. These expectations are deeply enmeshed with gender and identity, with what it means to be a man and, in particular, a man in a relationship with a woman.

Despite the fact that the perpetrator knows that his violence is wrong, this sense that entitlement is bound up with received ideas about gender identity allows him to see his behaviour as ‘reasonable’ given his partner's ‘unreasonable’ resistance to his expectations. This further fuels the process of partner-blaming.
Aqui