Showing posts with label Helen Fisher. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Helen Fisher. Show all posts
SLOW LOVE and Why him? Why her?
Dr. Helen Fisher: "Anatomy of Love" | Talks At Google
We've got data on over 30,000 people.
Every year I ask a lot of questions, and one is about one night stands and friends with benefits and living together and every year I end up finding that over 50% of people have had a one night stand over the course of their lives, over 50% have had friends with benefits and over 50% have lived with somebody long term.
I thought to myself that it's quite a lot of people doing what in this cutter is a bit frowned upon… They're not all 'crazy', there's got to be something going on here.
Most people think that this is pure recklessness of the young, but the old are just as reckless…
I finally stumbled on a statistic which was that 60% / 70% of people in America today, who are living in a long term partnership before marrying are TERRIFIED of the social, the legal and the emotional and the economic consequences of divorce.
So maybe it's not recklessness. Maybe it's caution. Given an age where we're not scared of pregnancy, we're not scared of diseases, you don't have to walk the walk of shame… and I think an awful lot of people are taking their time to find the right person.
We're moving into an age what I call a long pre-commitment stage, before marriage. We want to know every single about this person, before we tie the knot. before we marry, and I call it 'Slow Love'.
THE 3 BRAIN REGIONS LINKED TO LONG TERM HAPPY RELATIONSHIPS:
What makes a happy marriage?
On those people (in a long term marriage or in a long term relationship) who showed a lot of activity in the brain regions linked with romantic love, and also scored high on a marriage satisfaction questionnaire, we found three brain regions associated with long term happiness. Now, psychologists have a host of different ways of telling you what makes a happy partnership…
This is what the brain says (I'm just trying to add what the brain says):
In these people in long term happy marriages, in two very different parts of the world (America and China), we found activity in a brain region linked with empathy, in a brain region linked to controlling you one's stress, your own emotions, and in a brain region what we call, positive illusions: the ability to overlook what you don't like about this person and focus on what you do.
I would also say that if you really want a long term happy relationship, keep up your sex life with the person (that can trigger romantic love and feelings of attachment), stay in touch with the person (any kind of touch drives up the oxytocin system), and do novel things together (novelty definitely drives up the dopamine system).
But most important you've got to pick the right person.
Q: I want to ask about whether there's any sort of feedback systems between the conscience mind and your undercurrent system and so much that you can control…? Aqui
HF: There's always feedback. Some people are predisposed to alcoholism and they give up drinking. Some people are lazy and they go to their job everyday. Some people would love to philander with this or that and they chose not to. Scientists now think that a good 40 to 60% of who you are is biologically derived, and a good 40 to 60% is culturally derived. And, you know, people began to win Nobel prizes for epigenetics. For the fact that these are always in cahoots. Culture is going to change biological patterns and biology is going to change certain cultural patterns.
On monogamy, poliamory and jealousy. Aqui.
Why him? Why her?
In Match.com, in 40 countries and over 14 million people answered the questionaire.
Investment behaviour
"Dr. Helen Fisher pointed out, in The Anatomy of Love, that women's evolutionary need to have a partner to help her during the vulnerable first two years of a child's life predisposes women to value behaviour from men that indicates that they are cherished and being committed to. I call this "investment behaviour." This is different, as Dr. Fisher herself points out, from the old canard of evolutionary biologists who insist that fertile young women will respond sexually to older men with money and power.
Dr. Fisher's persuasive theory about women benefiting in evolutionary terms by responding sexually to men (or, presumably, women partner) who demonstrate that they can partner effectively for the baby's vulnerable years, and who show that they can keep mother and baby safe, led me to wonder — given that this was so valuable evolutionarily to women, their bodies, indeed their vaginas — if it might prompt them to "notice" or register such actions in potential mates before their minds had paid attention, in the same way that recent science has established a biological basis for the "gut response" to others."
Dr. Fisher's persuasive theory about women benefiting in evolutionary terms by responding sexually to men (or, presumably, women partner) who demonstrate that they can partner effectively for the baby's vulnerable years, and who show that they can keep mother and baby safe, led me to wonder — given that this was so valuable evolutionarily to women, their bodies, indeed their vaginas — if it might prompt them to "notice" or register such actions in potential mates before their minds had paid attention, in the same way that recent science has established a biological basis for the "gut response" to others."
Naomi Wolf, Vagina
Bom, eu perguntaria qual a diferença entre aquilo que espoleta limerence e erotomania. / Afinal a culpa é da dopamina
O resto do artigo está aqui.
Sobre Limerence.
Sobre Erotomania.
Entretanto, Helen Fisher, após ter desenvolvido um extenso questionário para despistar os 4 tipos de personalidade em que o ser humano se pode enquadrar, submeteu uma porrada de gente (apaixonada) a ressonâncias magnéticas ao cérebro (tudo muito científico e tal). E depois concluiu coisas mesmo muito interessantes sobre a bioquímica da atracção, cruzando os dados das ressonâncias com os dados dos resultados dos testes de personalidade a que submeteu os voluntários.
Por curiosidade, os quatro tipos de personalidade serão:
Explorer / Director / Negotiator / Builder
Eu resolvi responder ao questionário e achei o resultado surpreendente. Apenas "menti" no local de residência e Zip Code, pois não consegui que os campos a preencher aceitassem residentes fora dos EUA.
Eu inclino-me mais para a evidência da proposta de Helen Fisher.
O Homem, quando não tem explicação para aquilo que pretende explicar, inventa.
Isso é muito bom, porque puxa pela imaginação e pela criatividade. É como a história da invenção de Deus.
Depois vem a constatação científica e só se mantém agarrado a teorias quem precisar de sonhar!
(e este meu, desde que me lembro de mim, interesse por estas questões, e outras do foro "humano, demasiado humano", mais uma vez prova o tipo de personalidade em que me enquadro de forma dominante! Portanto nada de novo. Apenas mais uma constatação).
Mais, Helen Fisher cita George Bernard Shaw, que afirmou: "Love consists of over estimating the differences between one woman and another."
The brain in love
Sobre Helen Fisher
Fire runs through my body,
With the pain of loving you.
Pain runs through my body,
With the fires of my love for you.
Pain, like a boyle about to burst
With my love for you.
Consumed by fire
With my love for you.
I remember what you said to me.
I am thinking of your love for me.
Pain and more pain.
Where are you going with my love?
I'm told you will go from here.
I'm told you will leave me here.
My body is numb with grief.
Remember what I said, my love.
Goodbye my love.
Goodbye.
Escrito por um índio, anónimo, para uma missionária
"Parting is all we need to know of hell"
Emily Dickinson
"The god of love lives in the state of need"
Platão
