On friendship

"Friendship is a mirror to presence and a testament to forgiveness. Friendship not only helps us see ourselves through another’s eyes, but can be sustained over the years only with someone who has repeatedly forgiven us for our trespasses as we must find it in ourselves to forgive them in turn. A friend knows our difficulties and shadows and remains in sight, a companion to our vulnerabilities more than our triumphs, when we are under the strange illusion we do not need them. An undercurrent of real friendship is a blessing exactly because its elemental form is rediscovered again and again through understanding and mercy. All friendships of any length are based on a continued, mutual forgiveness. Without tolerance and mercy all friendships die."

[...]

"In the course of the years a close friendship will always reveal the shadow in the other as much as ourselves, to remain friends we must know the other and their difficulties and even their sins and encourage the best in them, not through critique but through addressing the better part of them, the leading creative edge of their incarnation, thus subtly discouraging what makes them smaller, less generous, less of themselves."

[...]

"The dynamic of friendship is almost always underestimated as a constant force in human life: a diminishing circle of friends is the first terrible diagnostic of a life in deep trouble: of overwork, of too much emphasis on a professional identity, of forgetting who will be there when our armored personalities run into the inevitable natural disasters and vulnerabilities found in even the most average existence."

[...]

"But no matter the medicinal virtues of being a true friend or sustaining a long close relationship with another, the ultimate touchstone of friendship is not improvement, neither of the other nor of the self, the ultimate touchstone is witness, the privilege of having been seen by someone and the equal privilege of being granted the sight of the essence of another, to have walked with them and to have believed in them, and sometimes just to have accompanied them for however brief a span, on a journey impossible to accomplish alone."

David Whyte

Here

A favor do aborto

A favor do aborto – o argumento do violinista

O texto abaixo foi retirado do livro Ética Prática, por Peter Singer.

O último dos três argumentos que procuram justificar o aborto sem negar que o feto seja um ser humano inocente é o de que a mulher tem o direito de escolher o que acontece ao seu próprio corpo.

Este argumento tornou-se proeminente com a ascensão do movimento de libertação da mulher e foi elaborado por filósofos americanos simpatizantes do feminismo. Um argumento influente foi apresentado por Judith Jarvis Thomson por meio de uma analogia engenhosa. Imaginemos, diz ela, que acordamos uma manhã e descobrimos que estamos numa cama de hospital, ligados de uma maneira qualquer a um homem inconsciente deitado numa cama ao lado. Dizem-nos que esse homem é um famoso violinista com uma doença renal. A única forma de ele sobreviver é ligar o seu sistema circulatório ao sistema de outra pessoa com o mesmo grupo sanguíneo e nós somos a única pessoa com o sangue adequado. De modo que uma sociedade de melômanos nos raptou, mandou realizar a operação de ligação e aqui estamos. Como nos encontramos agora num hospital respeitável, poderíamos ordenar a um médico que nos desligasse do violinista; mas, nesse caso, o violinista morreria pela certa. Por outro lado, se nos mantivermos ligados por apenas (apenas?) nove meses, o violinista terá recuperado e podemos então desligar-nos sem o pôr em perigo. Thomson pensa que, se nos encontrássemos nesta dificuldade inesperada, não teríamos a obrigação moral de permitir que o violinista usasse os nossos rins durante nove meses. Poderia ser generoso ou simpático da nossa parte, mas, segundo Thomson, isso é completamente diferente de dizer que estaríamos a fazer um mal se assim não procedêssemos.

Note-se que a conclusão de Thomson não depende de negar que o violinista é um ser humano inocente, com o mesmo direito à vida que qualquer outro ser humano inocente. Pelo contrário, Thomson afirma de fato que o violinista tem direito à vida – mas ter direito à vida não implica, prossegue Thomson, o direito de usar o corpo de outra pessoa, mesmo que sem essa utilização uma pessoa morra. A analogia com a gravidez, em especial com a gravidez resultante de violação, é óbvia. Uma mulher grávida na sequência de uma violação encontra-se, sem que tenha feito uma escolha, ligada a um feto de uma forma comparável à pessoa ligada ao violinista. É verdade que uma mulher grávida não tem normalmente de passar nove meses numa cama, mas os adversários do aborto não encarariam este pormenor como uma justificação suficiente para o aborto.

Oferecer um bebé recém-nascido para adoção pode ser mais difícil, psicologicamente, que separar-se do violinista no final da sua doença; mas, só por si, este fato não parece uma razão suficiente para matar o feto. Aceitando, para fins de argumentação, que o feto conta como um ser humano pleno, fazer um aborto quando o feto não é viável tem o mesmo significado moral que nos desligarmos do violinista. Assim, se concordarmos com Thomson em que não seria um mal no desligarmos do violinista, temos de aceitar também que, qualquer que seja o estatuto do feto, o aborto não é um mal – pelo menos quando a gravidez resulta de estupro. O argumento de Thomson pode provavelmente alargar-se a casos que ultrapassam o estupro.

Suponhamos que nos vemos ligados ao violinista, não porque fomos raptados por amantes da música, mas porque tínhamos a intenção de ir ao hospital visitar um amigo doente e, quando entramos no elevador, apertamos inadvertidamente no botão errado e fomos parar a uma seção do hospital visitada normalmente apenas por aqueles que se ofereceram como voluntários para serem ligados a pacientes que de outra forma não sobreviveriam. Uma equipe de médicos à espera do voluntário seguinte pensou que este tinha chegado, aplicou-nos a anestesia e ligou-nos. Se o argumento de Thomson era sólido no caso do rapto, provavelmente também o é neste caso, uma vez que nove meses involuntários a apoiar outra pessoa é um preço elevado a pagar por ignorância ou descuido. Deste modo, o argumento podia aplicar-se não só aos casos de violação, mas a um número muito maior de mulheres que engravidam devido à ignorância, descuido ou falha dos métodos de contracepção.

Daqui

Wit and Wisdom

“I paid no attention to the territorial boundaries of academic disciplines and I just grabbed all the big ideas that I could.”
Charlie Munger

How to make good decisions

The way to test the quality of your decisions is to test the process by which you make them.

"Go down to a local drugstore and buy a very cheap notebook and start keeping track of your decisions. And the specific idea is whenever you're making a consequential decision, something going in or out of the portfolio, just take a moment to think, write down what you expect to happen, why you expect it to happen and then actually, and this is optional, but probably a great idea, is write down how you feel about the situation, both physically and even emotionally. Just, how do you feel? I feel tired. I feel good, or this stock is really draining me. Whatever you think."
Daniel Kahneman

More.

da geração 'Z'

The Style Rookie

Why My Kids Are NOT the Center of My World

Wait, what did she say?  Yeah, you read that right. 

This blog post is a bit of a rant and it's a bit all over the place.  My kids are NOT the center of my world, and that's quite simply because they aren't the center of any world, anywhere.

If you're feeling adventurous today, feel free to read on.  I'll forewarn you though, this post contains subject matter about which I feel very strongly.  As are most emotionally heated issues - I suppose it's controversial.  But hey, I feel how I feel and that's not going to be changed.

The emotions that sparked this blog post were given a little bit of a supercharge last evening.  Hendrix was picking out what he wanted to take to school for Show & Tell.  He chose a little Imaginext action figure - one that he's had for about two years now.  With the action figure comes a little yellow object.  For the two years that he's had this toy, that yellow object has always been a drill to him.  He gathered the action figure, the mask that goes with him, and the yellow drill and proudly told me he'd chosen that for Show & Tell.  Then, you could see him thinking.  And he promptly changed his mind and said to me, "You know what, I better not take this.  My teacher will probably think it's a gun, and then I'll get in trouble," put the action figure back, and chose something else.

I often think about the world my boys will grow up in.  I often get angry when I think about it.  This particular situation just furthered those emotions for me.

In completely selfish terms, bringing my boys into this world was such a great decision - for me.  They bring me so much joy, they fill my heart, they make me happy.  But I often question whether or not it was the right decision for them.  My boys are typical little boys.  They love to play guns.  They love to play good guy versus bad guy.  They love to wrestle and be rowdy.  That's the nature of little boys, as it has been since the beginning of time.

How long will it be before their typical boy-ish behavior gets them suspended from school?  How long before they get suspended from daycare???  How long will it be before one of them gets upset with a friend, tells that friend to go away and leave them alone, and subsequently gets labeled as a bully?

The mentality of our society in 2013 is nauseating to me, friends. 

Many years ago, there was a time where young boys could run around with their toy guns, killing the bad guys.  You could take the toy guns away from the little boys, and they'd find something else around them - a stick, their fingers, etc -  and pretend it was a gun.  Today, those little boys - if caught doing that - are labeled as threats, and immediate action is taken to remove that threat from the group.

There was a time - not too long ago - when bullying was defined as slamming someone up against a locker and stealing their lunch money.  There was a time when kids got called names and got picked on, and they brushed it off and worked through it (ask me how I know this).  Now, if Sally calls Susie a bitch (please excuse my language if that offends you), Susie's whole world crumbles around her, she contemplates suicide, and this society encourages her to feel like her world truly has ended, and she should feel entitled to a world-wide pity party.  And Sally - phew!  She should be jailed!  She should be thrown in juvenile detention for acting like - gasp - a teenage girl acts.

Modern parenting and thinking makes me crazy.  The young generations of today (yes, I sound old.  I realize I'm only 29 years old.) are being taught that they shouldn't have to ever put up with anything doesn't make their hearts feel like rainbow colored unicorns are running around pooping skittles onto piles of marshmallows.

Modern parenting is creating a generation that's not going to be able to function in society.

  Your child, who you cater to every need, who you shelter from all things "evil."  How will this child react when he or she grows into adulthood?  "Debbie" graduates from high school and goes to college.  She writes her first paper and meets with her professor about that paper and the professor tells her that it's junk and it will get a failing grade.  How will Debbie cope with that if she's always been made to feel that no one should ever make her feel sad, or criticize anything she does?

"Donna" graduates from college and gets a job - you know, in the real world.  She has to work on a committee to come up with a marketing plan.  She shoots out an idea, and it gets immediately turned down.  What is she to do?  Go home and cry because no one liked her idea?  Quit her job because she can't handle rejection?

Modern parents, who drop everything all the time to sit and play with the child, who "needs attention," or drop what they're doing to help the child the second he or she gets frustrated?  How is Joey going to deal with the fact that there won't be anyone in his adult life who's willing to stop what they're doing, stop living their busy lives, to cater to his every whim?

How do you think Billy is going to cope in the real world, when his boss gives him a vague task to complete, and offers no helpful information as to how to complete this task?  Mr. Boss is certainly not going to hold Billy's hand and help him through the task.  Mr. Boss expects it to be completed by Monday.  How has Billy been prepared to use his critical thinking and problem solving skills to be able to complete that task?  He hasn't.

I certainly hope that the title of this blog post is starting to make sense.  Parents who make their children the center of their universe are not doing anyone any favors.  Obviously, as parents, we love our children more than anything.  But dropping everything to cater to their every need is only going to lead to a very rude awakening once they enter the real world.

I'm not telling anyone how to parent, and I'm far from perfect myself.  But when my kids can't find something, I refuse to help them until they've at least made a concerted effort to find it themselves.  This isn't being mean, it's teaching them to at least attempt to solve a problem themselves before just giving up and asking for help. 

When the TV gets turned off after the allotted time on the weekends, my kids are instructed to go play together in their room.  I love and miss them during the work week, but I am not just a mom, I'm also Matt's wife, I'm also Stephanie, and I also run our household.  There are things I have to get done, and my boys understand that.  My children - while Matt and I  both spend time playing with them - understand that the world doesn't begin and end with them.  This allows them to find ways to entertain themselves, it builds imagination, and it teaches them to get along with each other without constant intervention.

We follow the rules and don't take toy guns or weapons to daycare.  But I'll be darned if my boys aren't allowed to be little boys when they're at home.  They have several toy guns and it's constantly a good guy vs. bad guy battle in my house.  I feel like this teaches them to do the things they want to do, while respecting other's rules and regulations.  It also teaches them that there are differing opinions about things in this world and that's ok.  We can like and believe in the things we want, while respecting that others may not agree with us.

My children are all but ignored when they ask for something without using manners.  They understand that when someone addresses or speaks to them, they are to speak back.  When we go out to eat, we don't take 5 electronic devices to keep them "entertained" for the 15 minutes we have to wait for our food.  If Hendrix is "bored" (and I use that term loosely), then he can put on his jacket and go play outside.

Everyone parents differently, and I respect that. The current generation may be one that expects nothing less than everything from this world.  But I know of two gentlemen that are going to be able to accept failure and move on having learned something from it. 

I know of two gentleman who will be hurt emotionally, but who will be able to work through the hurt and carry on with life.  I will cushion the emotional fall as much as a mom can, but I will not completely prevent it from happening. They will not expect whoever hurt them to be punished.  Heck, I might even teach my children the power of forgiveness. 

These two gentlemen will understand the value of hard work, and know that hard work is required to get where one wants to be in life. 

They will, while understanding the need for caution, appreciate that not everyone out there is out to get them.  Not everyone is out to do evil things. 

These gentlemen will understand that there are about a gazillion people in this world.  While they are incredibly special to me and my family, they are not special to the world.  That probably sounds terrible, but people!  It's the harsh truth, and it needs embraced!

I know that I can't change the mindset of modern parents.  That's never been and never will be my goal.  I just want to make sure that I raise my sons to grow into respectable men who can thrive and succeed, due to having been prepared to do so.

My kids are not the center of my world because I love them enough not to allow them to be.

Roubado aqui.

ao Cavaleiro das Algemas

"Apocalypse know"

O blog de Timothy Morton

do 'Animal Laborans'

Apetece-me dizer que sim, que é preferível ter um salário mínimo (português) do que não ter salário nenhum. Mas também me apetece dizer não, com um salário mínimo como o nosso vive-se com muito pouca dignidade, e o pior é que, muitas vezes, para ganhar esse salário mínimo que não chega, é necessário trabalhar as 8 horas por dia, 5 dias por semana (ou mais) e não dá tempo para tentar ganhar mais algum noutro lado para fazer face a todas as despesas. Mas, o rapaz terá, eventualmente, as suas razões para afirmar o que afirmou e também terá muito que aprender ainda. De resto, ainda bem que há gente como ele. Venham mais, para, eventualmente, darem emprego a "jovens" pais de rapazes assim, que estão no desemprego e que ainda são muito novos para a reforma.


E já agora.
E também.

Livrarias bonitas... E o Porto aqui tão perto

Livraria El Ateneo, em Buenos Aires

Um bonito texto.

Uma história que, em criança, me deu que pensar

The Little Mermaid

Mais coisas lindas aqui

Os 6 hábitos de pessoas altamente empáticas / Outrospective people

1) Develop curiosity about strangers

2) Move beyond limiting assumptions (challenge prejudices and discover communalities)

3) Play ‘extreme sports’ i.e. take time to experience the lives of others.

4) Cultivate the art of conversation

5) Inspire Mass Action and Social Change

6) Be Ambitiously Imaginative.

Mais aqui. E aqui.

Um blog sobre drogas legais

Aqui

Blogues

Aqui.

Coisas que circulam por aí

“Esperamos alguma coisa que não sabemos bem em que consiste. É estranho que, em tantos anos de vida, nunca tenha havido um momento em que tenha estado tão adiantado no futuro como estou agora”.
Aqui.

O gato e o galo

Aconteceu no Porto. Lançaram-se livros, foi divertido e chegou a comover.

Véus / what to let see or not to let see?

E será realmente possível revelar tudo?
Não me parece. E depois há a tal questão da mecânica quântica e da influência da observação...

Acreditar no Pai Natal, na inevitabilidade da morte, curtir paixões imaginadas, viver obsessões e etc e tal

Nostalgias


Imagem do filme, Nostalgia, de A. Tarkovsky

"O crente não se importa nada de estar enganado quanto às qualidades (características) divinas. Errar é humano.

Deus é muito sedutor (lá estou eu...). É extraordinariamente fácil embarcar-se em cenários 'e se', por não poder evitar-se o desamparo, constitucional cá da espécie.

Cada homem carrega, como explicaram Steiner ou Freud, a nostalgia do absoluto, da morte vivendo. A total ausência da falha e do desejo. Deus numa casca de nós."

retirado daqui.

A propósito da ocupação da Escola do Alto da Fontinha

É um facto que o território desta luta não é o presidente da Câmara do Porto, mas as pessoas que não querem viver sob a mentira do lucro, que querem libertar toda a sua possibilidade de dizer que a sua vida passa também por um gesto de união solidária sem competições, sem estruturas partidárias, sem visar lucros, juros, contas, dívidas ou proveitos, mas apenas contar com a riqueza do humano.

Os que habitam o mundo vão continuar a fazê-lo.

O resto está aqui.

quem sabe se não dará jeito

Aqui