... and intimacy...
"Are rising rates of unhappiness contributing to the sex recession? Almost certainly. But mightn’t a decline in sex and intimacy also be leading to unhappiness?"
"[Ian Kerner]... works with a lot of men who, inspired by porn, “are still masturbating like they’re 17,” to the detriment of their sex life. “It’s taking the edge off their desire,” he said. Kerner believes this is why more and more of the women coming to his office in recent years report that they want sex more than their partners do. [...] for one thing, many straight women told me that learning about sex from porn seemed to have given some men dismaying sexual habits.
[...] “my undergraduates tell me they try hard not to fall in love during college, imagining that would mess up their plans.
[...] ”the overwhelming majority of matches don’t lead to so much as a two-way text exchange, much less a date, much less sex.
[...] Many online daters spend large amounts of time pursuing people who are out of their league. Few of their messages are returned, and even fewer lead to in-person contact.
[...] In my interviews with young women, I heard too many iterations to count of “he did something I didn’t like that I later learned is a staple in porn,” choking being one widely cited example. Outside of porn, some people do enjoy what’s known as erotic asphyxiation—they say restricting oxygen to the brain can make for more intense orgasms—but it is dangerous and ranks high on the list of things you shouldn’t do to someone unless asked to.
[...] A 31-year-old in Phoenix explained that in her experience, porn has made men “expect that they can make any woman orgasm by just pounding away.”
[...] Research suggests that, for most people, casual sex tends to be less physically pleasurable than sex with a regular partner.
[...] If young people are delaying serious relationships until later in adulthood, more and more of them may be left without any knowledge of what good sex really feels like.
[...] Other sources of sexual inhibition speak distinctly to the way we live today. For example, sleep deprivation strongly suppresses desire—and sleep quality is imperiled by now-common practices like checking one’s phone overnight. "
Option paralysis: The tendency, when given unlimited choices, to make none (a term popularized by Black Mirror).
FOBO: fear of a better option.
“spectatoring”—that is, worrying about how you look and sound while you’re having sex.
Article: Why Are Young People Having So Little Sex?
Showing posts with label Pornografia. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Pornografia. Show all posts
The lack-of-relationship culture / Maybe it's time to start talking about love, then
Of chaos and butterflies
Hmmm...
The tangled web between the 'mind/body' connection...the physical and the subjective perception, imagination and reality, feelings and emotions...
... no reino da física quântica, a observação condiciona sempre o resultado da interacção entre o observado e o observador.
Não será, portanto, legítimo, extrapolarmos do microcosmos para o macrocosmos?
Article: What is an orgasm, anyway?
The Beloved is me
"The Dodson model of the empowered female did a great deal of good, but also caused some harm. The good is that feminism of that era had to break the association of heterosexual female sexual awakening with dependency on a man. The harm is that the feminism of this era successfully broke the association of heterosexual female sexual awakening with dependency on a man. "A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle," as one seventies-era feminist bumper sticker insisted. The feminist model of heterosexuality – that straight women can fuck like men, or get by with a great vibrator and no other attention to self-love, and be simply instrumentalist about their pleasure – turned out to have created a new set of impossible ideals, foisted, if through the best of intentions, upon "liberated" women. Feminism has evaded the far more difficult question of how to be a liberated heterosexual woman and how to acknowledge deep physical needs for connection with men. As nature organized things, we ideally have a partner in the dance. If we don't have a partner, there is attention we should give to self-love as self-care. It does not solve straight women's existential dilemma, the tension between our dependency needs and our needs for independence, simply to declare that the dance has changed.
The harm of this model of female sexuality is that it reaffirms a fractured, commercialized culture's tendency to see people, including "sexually liberated women," as isolated, self-absorbed units, and to see pleasure as something one needs to acquire the way one acquires designer shoes, rather than as a medium of profound intimacy with another, or with one's self, or as a gateway to a higher, more imaginative, fully realized dimension that includes and affects all aspects of one's life.
[...] I think it is very possible, judging from tremendous amount of data we have seen about what women need psychologically, which they are generally not getting, that they are saying they are dissatisfied because the "available models of sexuality" – the post-Dodson, post-Hefner, post-porn, married two-career, hurried, or young and single drunk-with-a-stranger-in-a-bar-or-dorm-room models – are, long term, just plain physically untenable. These models of female sexuality – left to us by a combination of pressures ranging from an incomplete development of feminism in the 1970's, to a marketplace that likes us overemployed and undersexed, to the speeding up of sexual pacing set by pornography – doom women eventually to emotional strain caused by physiological strain. These models of female sexuality are simply extremely physically, emotionally, and existentially unsatisfying. (This model of sex may well doom Western heterosexual men in other ways, deserving of their own book.)"
Naomi Wolf, Vagina
Porn for women
Adiar a recompensa
"Unnaturally strong explosions of synthetic experience and sensation and pleasure evoke unnaturally strong degrees of habituation. This has two consequences. As the first, soon we hardly notice anymore the fleeting whispers of pleasure caused by leaves in autumn, or by the promise of reward that will come after a long, difficult, and worthy task. The other consequence is that, after awhile, we even habituate to those artificial deluges of intensity.... Our tragedy is that we just become hungrier.
Thanks to the way our brains work, chronic over-stimulation fails to satisfy; it can leave a person nearly insatiable. Someone may find himself wondering automatically about every woman, "Would she engage in...?" Also, any resentment that arises from the mismatch between his virtual reality and his physical reality may raise doubts about his partner/union, making him uncharacteristically irritable and self-absorbed. He'll focus on what his relationship doesn't offer, not on what it does. Nor does dissatisfaction necessarily stop there. Humans tend to project such feelings automatically onto other aspects of life as well... sadly, distorted perception born of neurochemical dysregulation can make a person extremely resistant to understanding what's really driving him or what would ease his misery. His limbic brain has him firmly convinced that only his drug of choice will restore his good feelings.
It can take an uncomfortable month or two to restore normal perception after habitual overstimulation. But as ravenous feelings ease, it's easier to find satisfaction in every aspect of life." Robert Sapolsky, Why Zebras Don't Get Ulcers
The porn myth
"For most of human history, erotic images have been reflections of, or celebrations of, or substitutes for, real naked women. For the first time in human history, the images’ power and allure have supplanted that of real naked women. Today, real naked women are just bad porn."
"After the article's publication, I was flooded by distressed — and distressing — emails from men who reported that what I described had happened to them. They were distraught. They wrote to me that, over time, they felt a need to watch more and more porn to achieve arousal at all; they felt less and less choice about whether or not to use it; and they were experiencing escalating sexual difficulty in bed with their girlfriends or wives, to whom they had previously been very attracted. These men were a perfectly "normal" cross section of people with no apparent axe to grind; they had no ideological objections to porn use in general, and were not "crusaders" — they were just suffering, and frightened. What really struck me was that haunting sense many had of a loss of choice; these were often men who were perfectly in control in most or all other areas of their lives, and they were writing to me about feeling themselves to be at the mercy of something in their lives over which they felt powerless."
Naomi Wolf, Vagina
Naomi Wolf, Vagina
Sex is sexist / On th liberating of the vagina
"This ideology [the Libertarian 'Sex as Play'] – descending from Walt Whitman and Oscar Wilde, via, in debasd form, Friedrich Nietzsche – argues that sensation, even extreme sensation, is good for its own sake alone. This sexual "will to power," adorned with a dollop of Freud's argument that the individual gets a "pass" for whatever the subconscious comes up with – since one can have no responsibility for, and hence no guilt about, subconscious desires – fit perfectly with the heady, consumerist postwar economy in the West. It prepared a fertile ground for the entrenchment of the pornographic experience of sex and of the vagina in particular.. It came to be how we thought "sex was" – rather than letting us understand that this way of thinking about sex is just one of many possible sexual ideologies. And it cleared the way in the minds of both women and men for the rise in the next few decades of wider and wider acceptance and then internalization of the moral flatness, distractedness, and fixatedness of pornography.
But is what one does in bed with someone else – with all the hopes, intimacies, and possibilities for grief involved – really just "a dream you are in"? The next three decades would call the worldview's vision of consequence-free sex and fantasy into question."
Naomi Wolf, Vagina
More links:
Inga Muscio
Joani Blank
Andrea Dworkin
Steven Seidman
Germaine Greer
Judy Chicago
Shere Hite
Eve Ensler
Feministing.com
Vulvavelvet.com
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| The Dinner Party - Judy Chicago |
Shere Hite speaking about her report.
Shere Hite press conference (1985)
"Not biologically based but culturally encouraged" – Shere Hite
da pornografia
O
que a indústria da pornografia está a fazer é a destruir a capacidade
dos homens para a intimidade. Não são apenas as mulheres as vítimas
desta indústria. Já Naomi Wolf anda a 'pregar' isto. É um assunto muito
grave que daqui a nada irá tornar-se uma questão de saúde pública se
ninguém fizer alguma coisa.
"I
want to suggest, that in our society, women have two choices: you're
either fuckable or you're invisible. And that's why the gym is full of
40 year old women who are aging out of fuckability. Fuckability has a
shelf life. [...] We haven't always had a porn industry. The
porn industry began in 1953 with the first edition of Playboy. That was
the first time ever that a magazine aimed to be pornographic in the
sense that it delivered facilitators for male masturbation. [...] What is ludicrous about this third wave
feminism is that they take this lack of choice [hyper sexualization]
(because this is the only choice) and have the cheek to call it female
empowerment. [...] How do you expect a 13 or 14 or 15 year old girl to negotiate this [hyper sexualization] alone?"
Gail Dines
Filmes a ver:
The Price of Pleasure: Pornography, Sexuality & Relationships — info
Lars and the Real Girl — info
O que a pornografia está a fazer aos cérebros do pessoal
Couples in their late teens tell me no one they know can have sex without porn playing on a screen. A guidance counsellor at a private school asks where he can find help for his students - many of whom are so addicted to online porn that the obsession is affecting their schoolwork and social development.
Aqui.
