Oh sweet denial! Where have all the adults gone?

Sometimes a profound sadness seems to slowly push it's way in... resulting in sleepless nights and sleepy days.

The 'big picture' keeps forcing itself into my head, and it's not pretty. I know it's not fair to force it on others. They're entitled to their simple and denying ignorance. To be happy in their own way, deluded with the sense of knowing and controlling everything.

Oh sweet denial!

I love the human race. I truly do. I want to believe it's going to make it but something doesn't allow me to.

I'm a tired and scared (of being hurt) person.

People live their lives automatically, thinking everything is under their control, whilst I'm becoming more and more sensitive and intolerant to vile and gratuitous violence exercised upon those who in some or other way don't fit in the 'norm'.

Oh the low blows!

People, in general, don't think properly. They aren't capable of objective thinking. They just 'throw into the air' unprepared thoughts, to show off, or to defend their ignorant knowledge about almost everything. They confuse true pure argumentation with discussion and then go into a kind of self-protect mode prepotently shooting ad hominem hurtful arguments.

I find myself living my life like constantly 'avoiding the raindrops in a storm'. Being invisible for the sake of respect for everyone else. Understanding everyone and having to forget about myself for the sake of everyone's peace (except for my own). A tremendously difficult task that is making me very tired. Something is building up in me. I don't know what. I'm just fed up, very sad, and very very tired.

All that is expected of me is to be nice and comply. If I don't... It is war, insults and more violence.

If I happen to clarify, set boundaries, saying clearly what I like and what I don't, then... "I'm throwing a tantrum"!

All this is something I do not need.
All this is something I do not want.
All this is something I've had quite enough of.

Are we not all entitled to have a bit of fun before we die?
Where have all the adults gone?