SLOW LOVE and Why him? Why her?
Dr. Helen Fisher: "Anatomy of Love" | Talks At Google
We've got data on over 30,000 people.
Every year I ask a lot of questions, and one is about one night stands and friends with benefits and living together and every year I end up finding that over 50% of people have had a one night stand over the course of their lives, over 50% have had friends with benefits and over 50% have lived with somebody long term.
I thought to myself that it's quite a lot of people doing what in this cutter is a bit frowned upon… They're not all 'crazy', there's got to be something going on here.
Most people think that this is pure recklessness of the young, but the old are just as reckless…
I finally stumbled on a statistic which was that 60% / 70% of people in America today, who are living in a long term partnership before marrying are TERRIFIED of the social, the legal and the emotional and the economic consequences of divorce.
So maybe it's not recklessness. Maybe it's caution. Given an age where we're not scared of pregnancy, we're not scared of diseases, you don't have to walk the walk of shame… and I think an awful lot of people are taking their time to find the right person.
We're moving into an age what I call a long pre-commitment stage, before marriage. We want to know every single about this person, before we tie the knot. before we marry, and I call it 'Slow Love'.
THE 3 BRAIN REGIONS LINKED TO LONG TERM HAPPY RELATIONSHIPS:
What makes a happy marriage?
On those people (in a long term marriage or in a long term relationship) who showed a lot of activity in the brain regions linked with romantic love, and also scored high on a marriage satisfaction questionnaire, we found three brain regions associated with long term happiness. Now, psychologists have a host of different ways of telling you what makes a happy partnership…
This is what the brain says (I'm just trying to add what the brain says):
In these people in long term happy marriages, in two very different parts of the world (America and China), we found activity in a brain region linked with empathy, in a brain region linked to controlling you one's stress, your own emotions, and in a brain region what we call, positive illusions: the ability to overlook what you don't like about this person and focus on what you do.
I would also say that if you really want a long term happy relationship, keep up your sex life with the person (that can trigger romantic love and feelings of attachment), stay in touch with the person (any kind of touch drives up the oxytocin system), and do novel things together (novelty definitely drives up the dopamine system).
But most important you've got to pick the right person.
Q: I want to ask about whether there's any sort of feedback systems between the conscience mind and your undercurrent system and so much that you can control…? Aqui
HF: There's always feedback. Some people are predisposed to alcoholism and they give up drinking. Some people are lazy and they go to their job everyday. Some people would love to philander with this or that and they chose not to. Scientists now think that a good 40 to 60% of who you are is biologically derived, and a good 40 to 60% is culturally derived. And, you know, people began to win Nobel prizes for epigenetics. For the fact that these are always in cahoots. Culture is going to change biological patterns and biology is going to change certain cultural patterns.
On monogamy, poliamory and jealousy. Aqui.
Why him? Why her?
In Match.com, in 40 countries and over 14 million people answered the questionaire.
Investment behaviour
"Dr. Helen Fisher pointed out, in The Anatomy of Love, that women's evolutionary need to have a partner to help her during the vulnerable first two years of a child's life predisposes women to value behaviour from men that indicates that they are cherished and being committed to. I call this "investment behaviour." This is different, as Dr. Fisher herself points out, from the old canard of evolutionary biologists who insist that fertile young women will respond sexually to older men with money and power.
Dr. Fisher's persuasive theory about women benefiting in evolutionary terms by responding sexually to men (or, presumably, women partner) who demonstrate that they can partner effectively for the baby's vulnerable years, and who show that they can keep mother and baby safe, led me to wonder — given that this was so valuable evolutionarily to women, their bodies, indeed their vaginas — if it might prompt them to "notice" or register such actions in potential mates before their minds had paid attention, in the same way that recent science has established a biological basis for the "gut response" to others."
Dr. Fisher's persuasive theory about women benefiting in evolutionary terms by responding sexually to men (or, presumably, women partner) who demonstrate that they can partner effectively for the baby's vulnerable years, and who show that they can keep mother and baby safe, led me to wonder — given that this was so valuable evolutionarily to women, their bodies, indeed their vaginas — if it might prompt them to "notice" or register such actions in potential mates before their minds had paid attention, in the same way that recent science has established a biological basis for the "gut response" to others."
Naomi Wolf, Vagina
The Long-Term Effects of #MeToo
As consequências previsíveis, inevitáveis e necessárias, de qualquer "desequilíbrio" instalado há demasiado tempo.
– Uma reflexão necessária.
No entanto, fazendo referência aos dados estatísticos mencionados por Heather Mac Donald, não consegui evitar que a lembrança da reflexão (ainda pertinente?) que Virginia Woolf, expressa no seu livro, "A Room of One's Own", me invadisse o pensamento.
Heather Mac Donald Warns about the Long-Term Effects of #MeToo
#metoo, a new conversation
Men and women after #metoo / A new conversation
Embora eu ache que a noção de 'patriarcado' é mais do que algo apenas sobre Homens e a noção de 'feminismo' é mais do que algo apenas sobre Mulheres... Pensar fora da caixa e questionar, questionar, questionar, vale sempre a pena.
– das sombras de 'todas as cores'
– toxic masculinity
– internalised misogyny
– castration
– slow motion dictatorship of the mind
– men need to find their balls
Mais aqui: Mazanti Lousada
The Blog
das Luzes
"No primeiro movimento das Luzes, acreditou-se que a estatística era capaz de libertar o conhecimento do conteúdo mítico. [...] A palavra-chave das segundas Luzes é transparência. Os dados são um meio transparente. [...] O imperativo do segundo movimento das Luzes é: tudo deve ser transformado em dados e em informação."
Byung-Chul Han, Piscopolítica
Das partes e do todo
Back in the 70s...
" The vagina and vulva were primarily understood as mediating sexual pleasure. What was important was technique — one's own masturbatory technique,, and the skills one taught to a partner. Feminists and pornographers alike defined the vagina and vulva in terms of the mechanics of orgasm. [...] The harm of this model of female sexuality is that it reaffirms a fractured, commercialized culture's tendency to see people, including "sexually liberated women," as isolated, self-absorbed units, and to see pleasure as something one needs to acquire the way one acquires designer shoes, rather than as a medium of profound intimacy with one another, or with one's self, or as a gateway to a higher, more imaginative, fully realized dimension that includes and affects all aspects of life."
Naomi Wolf, Vagina
Slow to heat and slow to cool: Water
"As historian Douglas Wile describes it in his book Art of the Bedchamber: The Chinese Sexual Yoga Classics, "At the very least, a man must delay his climax to adjust for difference in arousal time between 'fire and water' and to ensure the woman's full satisfaction." Wile elucidates the Taoist philosophy further: "The woman was said to love slowness (hsu) and duration (chiu), and abhor haste (chi) and violance (pao)... The woman expresses her desire through sounds (yin), movements (tung), and signs (cheng or tao). In her sexual responses she is compared to the element water, 'slow to heat and slow to cool.'... Prolonged foreplay is always presented as the precondition for orgasm.""
Aqui
Medo às mulheres
"Olhar para os ataques de que Irene foi alvo por exemplo no Twitter, onde deu mostras de uma inteligência, capacidade argumentativa e pedagógica e paciência impressionantes, é assistir a uma espécie de catálogo das reações a uma mulher que ousa erguer-se no espaço público. Desde logo, a apreciação física: uma parte considerável dos comentários, de homens e mulheres, foram sobre o corpo de Irene. Particularmente significativa é a fúria contra os pêlos nas axilas, aliás um clássico: de cada vez que surge uma imagem de mulher que não se depila temos uma espécie de linchamento generalizado. Sucedeu com Madonna, com a filha de Madonna e em inúmeros outros casos."
Fernanda Câncio, A Raiva às Mulheres Sem Medo
Dataísmo
"Podemos dizer adeus a toda a teoria do comportamento humano, da linguística à sociologia. Podemos esquecer a taxonomia, a ontologia e a psicologia. Quem sabe porque fazem as pessoas o que fazem? A questão é o que fazem e que nós podemos segui-lo e medi-lo com uma fidelidade sem precedentes. Com suficientes dados, os números falam por si."
Chris Anderson, Wired Magazine Julho 2008
Adiar a recompensa
"Unnaturally strong explosions of synthetic experience and sensation and pleasure evoke unnaturally strong degrees of habituation. This has two consequences. As the first, soon we hardly notice anymore the fleeting whispers of pleasure caused by leaves in autumn, or by the promise of reward that will come after a long, difficult, and worthy task. The other consequence is that, after awhile, we even habituate to those artificial deluges of intensity.... Our tragedy is that we just become hungrier.
Thanks to the way our brains work, chronic over-stimulation fails to satisfy; it can leave a person nearly insatiable. Someone may find himself wondering automatically about every woman, "Would she engage in...?" Also, any resentment that arises from the mismatch between his virtual reality and his physical reality may raise doubts about his partner/union, making him uncharacteristically irritable and self-absorbed. He'll focus on what his relationship doesn't offer, not on what it does. Nor does dissatisfaction necessarily stop there. Humans tend to project such feelings automatically onto other aspects of life as well... sadly, distorted perception born of neurochemical dysregulation can make a person extremely resistant to understanding what's really driving him or what would ease his misery. His limbic brain has him firmly convinced that only his drug of choice will restore his good feelings.
It can take an uncomfortable month or two to restore normal perception after habitual overstimulation. But as ravenous feelings ease, it's easier to find satisfaction in every aspect of life." Robert Sapolsky, Why Zebras Don't Get Ulcers
dos direitos do milagre
"Compreendi que não me era proibido algo inesperado e beijei-lhe a boca e os olhos. Afastou-me com suave firmeza e logo declarou:
— Serei tua na pousada de Thorgate. Peço-te, entretanto, que não me toques. É melhor que assim seja.
Para um solteiro entrado em anos, o oferecido amor amor é uma dádiva que já não se espera. O milagre tem o direito de impor condições."
Jorge Luis Borges, Ulrica
— Serei tua na pousada de Thorgate. Peço-te, entretanto, que não me toques. É melhor que assim seja.
Para um solteiro entrado em anos, o oferecido amor amor é uma dádiva que já não se espera. O milagre tem o direito de impor condições."
Jorge Luis Borges, Ulrica
The porn myth
"For most of human history, erotic images have been reflections of, or celebrations of, or substitutes for, real naked women. For the first time in human history, the images’ power and allure have supplanted that of real naked women. Today, real naked women are just bad porn."
"After the article's publication, I was flooded by distressed — and distressing — emails from men who reported that what I described had happened to them. They were distraught. They wrote to me that, over time, they felt a need to watch more and more porn to achieve arousal at all; they felt less and less choice about whether or not to use it; and they were experiencing escalating sexual difficulty in bed with their girlfriends or wives, to whom they had previously been very attracted. These men were a perfectly "normal" cross section of people with no apparent axe to grind; they had no ideological objections to porn use in general, and were not "crusaders" — they were just suffering, and frightened. What really struck me was that haunting sense many had of a loss of choice; these were often men who were perfectly in control in most or all other areas of their lives, and they were writing to me about feeling themselves to be at the mercy of something in their lives over which they felt powerless."
Naomi Wolf, Vagina
Naomi Wolf, Vagina
More performative utterances
"In Han dynasty China (206 BCE–220 CE) or Indian fifteen hundred years ago or in the thirteenth-century Japan, when the vagina was portrayed as the most sacred spot in the most sacred temple in a sacred universe, that was how woman's brains experienced their vaginas. When, as in medieval Europe during the witch hunts the culture cast the vagina as the devil's playground and the gateway to hell, a woman in that culture felt herself to be built up around a core of existential shame. If, as in Elizabethan England, a culture portrays the vagina as a hole, a woman in that culture will feel that she is centered around emptiness or worthlessness; when, as in Germany and England and America after Freud, a woman's culture portrays the vagina's response as a test of womanliness, she is likely to feel herself insufficiently womanly. When a woman's culture – as in today's women's magazine-type sexual athleticism in the West – casts the ideal vagina as a producer of multiple orgasms on call, she will feel herself put to a continual, impossible test. When mass culture represents any given vagina as just one in ten million available orifices, as in today's porn industry, a woman will feel her sexual self to be replaceable, not important and not sacred.
And all this is not superficial: these perceptions are constructed at the level of neural synapses. In other words, the female brain changes physically over time in response to these kinds of repeated triggers in the environment. These triggers also affect her confidence and sense of hope."
Naomi Wolf, Vagina
Cunt: A Cultural History of the C-Word
 |
| Death Jump, by Alfred Kubin |
"The c-word, 'cunt', is perhaps the most offensive word in the English language, and consequently it has never been researched in depth. Hugh Rawson's Dictionary Of Invective contains the most detailed study of what he calls "The most heavily tabooed of all English words" (1989), though his article is only five pages long. Cunt: A Cultural History Of The C-Word is therefore intended as the first comprehensive analysis of this ancient and powerful word."
Aqui
Performative utterances
"The theme of the "uppity woman" having her vagina targeted in lieu of her brain is a universal theme still — both in emerging democracies and in the "advanced" West. In Egypt, once part of the British Empire, this practice had an echo: women protesters have played prominent roles in the"Arab Spring" and the uprising in Tahrir Square in 2011–12 — and these "unruly" women are being targeted by the state for forced vaginal exams."
Naomi Wolf, Vagina
Activist: Verdict has shamed military
Women bloggers call for a stop to 'hateful' trolling by misogynist men:
The Guardian
Language and Thought / Did language evolve for thought?
Language and Thought, Center for Brains, Minds and Machines
Patrick H. Winston:
The 'combinator capability' [that differenciates humans from Neanderthals and primates] allows description, and once you got description there's a trail that can lead you all the way up to the 'strong story hypothesis'
[+/- min 18:40]
Story understanding is very fundamental to any real understanding of human intelligence.
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Steven Pinker:
Example: The story of how How doctors killed President Garfield
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What makes conceptual development possible, and what makes it so hard?
How is it, we are the only animals who can think thoughts formulated on concepts like cancer or infinity or wisdom or carborator? What makes this possible? The acquisition of concepts, possible?
Cognitive science has the theoretical and methodological tools to answer both questions.
Probably the most seminal work on this classical set of issues has happened at MIT, both in the linguistics department (Chomsky) and the AI department and the brain and cognitive science department.
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On language understanding and intelligence.
To use a conceptual system you need to run through a logic. We are trying to figure out the blueprint of this logic.
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Q&A:
Q: – On the many levels of meaning (literal meanings, enriched meanings...): How does this affect your research when you work with young children and you test their understanding of number words? In these tasks you have to give them full sentences, you have to ask them things like: "Can you give me two cookies..."
A: – Susan Carey answers.
A: – Gennaro Chierchia answers.
Q: – Do you see any role for the more logical part of the vocabulary. Whether you think that it really needs to be modeled in a precise way to make sense of people understanding stories?
A: – Patrick Winston answers. "How can we humans make ourselves smarter? – If we want to make ourselves smarter, draw pictures and talk, because we have tremendous problem solving power in our visual and linguistics systems. So, to make ourselves smarter, we have to engage these systems, and one way to engage them is to draw pictures and talk. You can't do that when you're answering your email. You can only do that when you're taking notes, with a pencil and drawing, and engaging your language system. The miracle of human language and visual processing systems."
Q: – On language as a vehicle of thought. Language learning is partly like mapping. There's another idea that working in linguistics suggests, that is that natural language IS the language of thought.
A: – Steven Pinker answers. "It's very unlikely that any language that we speak, is a language of thought. There are a lot of experiments that show that. The actual sentences that we speak don't make the kinds of distinctions that are relevant for inference. I'm very skeptical of the idea for which language, as it's ordinarily understood, is what we think in. Although I do think that there is a representation that, in some regards, is language-like. It makes categorical distinctions, it is hierarchically structured, that is very closely related, though not identical to what we think as the semantic representations that align sentences."
A: – Susan Carey answers. "Another problem with identifying language with thought is that, if you do so, you stipulate that other animals can't think. But it partly depends what you mean by 'thought', as what you mean by 'language', because other animals have very powerful abstract conceptual representations, that they can draw inferences over. They have many of the same core cognition systems that human babies do. So you'd have to define that as not thought if you want to make that stipulation.
Gennaro Chierchia adds: "We really work on the functional architecture of language, and that involves such interesting words as: and - or - if - any - not - even - only - 'ing'... And that is where you find what is the most common throughout the languages of the world and also where some key dimensions of variotions take place."
Q: – Susan Carey: "Can animals represent the conditional. Do they have anything like the concept 'not' or 'or'? The evidence is probably yes, but not clear."
Patrick Winston: "I think there is an inner language and I think it came before communication. partly because, there's no point in saying anything if you don't have anything to say. And I think our external language emerged in part because we're social animals and our external language is of great benefit in thinking because I think there's a great deal of creativity in creative misunderstanding of what other people say. But I think there are computational reasons why the inner language ought to be simpler, more economical, because we have to compare things, we have to match them, and it would be extraordinarily difficult from a computational point of view, to try to do that with the raw uncannonicalized language stream. So we can't match a story in the newspaper to Cinderella and say, 'oh that's a Cinderella story', unless we have reduced the story and Cinderella to a kind of inner language in which there's movement through space, there's a capacity to express emotion, there's a capacity to express social relationships... And I think that those kinds of things constitute the inner language, and when they're rendered in simple form they make possible this kind of analogizing and precedent-based reasoning that is fundamental to human thought, and I'll bet you pansies don't do it because they'd be a lot smarter if they did."
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The importance of analogies. Analogy is extremely important to create new representational resources. But it doesn't mean we understand how it works. (Carey and Chierchia)
On metaphors and on how analogical the human mind is. Every sentence has some kind of concrete image behind it. (Pinker)
Wit and Wisdom
“I paid no attention to the territorial boundaries of academic disciplines and I just grabbed all the big ideas that I could.”
Charlie Munger
How to make good decisions
The way to test the quality of your decisions is to test the process by which you make them.
"Go down to a local drugstore and buy a very cheap notebook and start keeping track of your decisions. And the specific idea is whenever you're making a consequential decision, something going in or out of the portfolio, just take a moment to think, write down what you expect to happen, why you expect it to happen and then actually, and this is optional, but probably a great idea, is write down how you feel about the situation, both physically and even emotionally. Just, how do you feel? I feel tired. I feel good, or this stock is really draining me. Whatever you think."
Daniel Kahneman
More.
The Green Lumber Fallacy / ou, de mal-entendidos
“All that glitters is not gold,” the saying goes. We're often fooled by aesthetics of things into thinking they are the thing. The gist of the Green Lumber Fallacy is this: What works in the real world is not necessarily match our stories of why it works. Unimportant details can often seduce us into thinking we know the reasons for something when we really don't. Only time filters reality from narrative."
"In one of the rare noncharlatanic books in finance, descriptively called What I Learned Losing a Million Dollars, the protagonist makes a big discovery. He remarks that a fellow named Joe Siegel, one of the most successful traders in a commodity called “green lumber,” actually thought it was lumber painted green (rather than freshly cut lumber, called green because it had not been dried). And he made it his profession to trade the stuff! Meanwhile the narrator was into grand intellectual theories and narratives of what caused the price of commodities to move and went bust.
It is not just that the successful expert on lumber was ignorant of central matters like the designation “green.” He also knew things about lumber that nonexperts think are unimportant. People we call ignorant might not be ignorant.
The fact that predicting the order flow in lumber and the usual narrative had little to do with the details one would assume from the outside are important. People who do things in the field are not subjected to a set exam; they are selected in the most non-narrative manager — nice arguments don't make much difference. Evolution does not rely on narratives, humans do. Evolution does not need a word for the color blue."
Nassim Taleb, Antifragile
da felicidade / control freaks
"[...] a felicidade é igual a grandes acontecimentos menos as expetativas, é preciso começar a perguntarmos a nós mesmos: “Ok, então porque estamos sempre tão infelizes? Comecei a perguntar a mim próprio, porquê. Porque é que algo está errado 16 a 17% das vezes, e percebi que se tiver uma máquina de salsichas e se produzir algo estranho pode ser porque há algo errado com a máquina. A equação não está certa. Ou pode ser porque estou a colocar sapatos na máquina. Se estou a colocar sapatos na máquina não posso esperar que saiam salsichas. Percebi que o problema para estamos sempre tão infelizes é porque resolvemos a equação de forma errada. Não há nada de errado com a nossa vida. Estamos é a colocar os dados errados, os inputs errados na equação. Percebi que existem seis grandes ilusões e sete blind spots." Aqui
Mo Gawdat
"An Algorithm for Happiness with Mo Gawdat"
"How a mathematic equation can lead to a happier life"
